becoming-swan:

Hassan: What’s your story about?
Amir: It’s about a man who finds a magical cup. He learns that if he weeps into the cup, his tears turn into pearls. He’s very poor .. you know?! And, at the end of the story, he’s sitting on a mountain of pearls with a bloody knife in his hand and his dead wife in his arms.
Hassan: so he killed her?
Amir: yes, Hassan.
Hassan: so that he’d cry and get rich..
Amir: Yes. You’re very quick.
Hassan: —————————-
Amir: What?
Hassan: Nothing, Amir Agha. Are you done with breakfast?
Amir: What?
Hassan: Well, will you permit me to ask a question about your story?
Amir: Of course..
Hassan: Why did the Man have to kill his wife?
Amir: because each of his tears becomes a pearl!
Hassan: Yes, but why couldn’t he just smell an onion?
Amir: ——————————— 

collegehumor:

Mean Parents Easter Prank

“Sorry, son. We couldn’t afford candy this year, but we got you something better.”

(Source: College Humor)